In spiritual work people sometimes get confused because in the process of unlearning, they let go of a lot of rubbish, a lot of things that take their space and once they let them go consciously, it can become confusing because they can get distracted by what they are letting go of.
For example, (and this is going quite deeply into something), many people are dependent on family dynamics, meaning that the family they grew up in was dysfunctional, which is normal for many people to an extreme or to a minor degree.
When I say dysfunctional, I am not blaming the family, I just mean that instead of the family supporting the child to grow (and I am talking simply spiritually here, not physically or educationally) there was something lacking, for example a clear demonstration of gratitude and love towards the child, in all aspects and the child starts to project that lack into other things.
Normally the projection is into education, where, at least for many people, there are expectations on the child to qualify and become this or that. The world is thus supposed to give the person the love that was lost when he or she was growing up. That sense of projection is actually one of the most dangerous things to happen during this cleaning out of rubbish inside. When we are working on spiritual parts of ourselves, we know the projection to getting a good degree or a nice house becomes irrelevant because we realize that in itself it is not completely what gives us what we want.
Often we start to project onto things. We may project once we find the right partner and, somehow, we will access that knowledge inside of our heart. – because of the relationship, our heart will open. Then we start projecting a lot of expectations onto our partner, in the hope that this is the space that he or she will create for us. Of course, it is like anything else: that space is outside of ourself. So we are not feeding and not opening up the parts that need to be explored more deeply.
Therefore we start to project onto the teacher and who or what we think the teacher is. We have certain expectations and certain things that we want to happen in a certain sequence with the teacher, which again become quite difficult, if the teacher is totally beyond those expectations and not wanting to fulfill them.
In Hinduism for example, it is not a problem because you have the Guru-disciple relationship. The disciple of course is projecting this father figure of family life onto the teacher, expecting somehow that, by fulfilling whatever in the spiritual relationship, the blessing of the Guru will create an opening leading to the space of bliss, or probably a space of womb-like feelings, where everything somehow is all right and there are no problems.
With me, whenever there is a projection, I work on that. It is not that I accept that projection. I actually throw it back very strongly at the person. This complicates things because usually Gurus like to be Gurus. They like to have their feet kissed and their egos pampered. Well, with me sometimes I let people do that for a little while and then I turn it around very quickly, just to help them to see that this is what they are doing. To go beyond that does not mean they need to stop doing that because if they stop doing that, sometimes they project onto something else. They just need to transcend doing it.
Perhaps they will say that I am a terrible teacher that I am not really a teacher at all and find another teacher who accepts their projections in a better way. It is sad because once you get to that point, you are really working very deeply. You are working at a point where you can transform the essence of who you are, the core of who you are, so that you no longer project to the external but you start working with the internal.
This is very frightening because it means that we go into the space of the unknown, into a place with no boundaries and we start exploring a space that has no maps, no territories or no accepted norms. Then, what I aim to do is to strengthen the heart and the love of the person.
Through love people can expand their wisdom and understanding to the point that somehow seems totally dark, scary and difficult. They can understand for instance that the parents did not show enough love wanted by the child unintentionally, and that they are human beings. With such an understanding your love expands to have compassion for humanity. Your compassion becomes your driving force rather than your judgment or sense of lack. When we get to that point, it is a wonderful thing because we then create the sense of real love; we touch upon our essence, our deep profound love, our real love for the people around us.
When people develop that sense of non-judgment and non-attachment to projection, we can create a space where the atmosphere becomes open to the type of energy that is flowing from everywhere. That is an invisible energy for most people but it is the energy of love, which is beyond personal. It is transpersonal or transcends the personal love. Yet it is physical. You can sense it. When we are open to it, this comes in the sense of a specific frequency of light, which is quite visible to the eyes but it is really to the third eye.
It also comes to a specific vibration that is the essence beyond it – a sound behind the light that initiates people into change. This light is somehow changing the whole structure of our being. It can be revealed, when you are sitting and learning from nature or from a spiritual teacher who is working on that level beyond the teacher-student relationship, working just because he or she is accessing that light, that sound, the mystical knowledge that is everywhere. That specific frequency of light goes deep to the energy structures of the body.
You feel better, you feel lighter, you feel happier, and you feel more, that you are touching the divine aspect of yourself. But it is not the teacher. The teacher is just doing what you are doing but because you are doing this together, you are accessing what is there together. It seems like that space with the teacher is what is creating that reality but it is actually you who are doing that. People do not like that responsibility because of course, it cannot be them who are doing that; it must be something or someone else. So, once that experience happens, they project again. They project onto other aspects outside of themselves to try to find that connection.
(Excerpt from ‘Different Yet the Same’ by Tony Samara. for more information we invite you to visit www.TonySamaraBooks.com)